My friend Jayne Martin turned me on to “Five Sentence Fiction,” which is the brain child of Lillie McFerrin
This week’s prompt: orange
Peter was a handsome neurotic who organized his socks and his freezer using the same alphabetical system. It wasn’t the long, dark hair I found in his bed that did it. I could almost forgive him for giving in to his ex-girlfriend now and again, especially since we weren’t actually “sleeping” together. But I had to draw the line when his obsessions got the better of him, and my patience. He wouldn’t leave the house until he had found a word to rhyme with “orange.”
32 thoughts on “Peter”
Compact and interresting story … nicely done.
Robert, thank you for your praise, and for stopping by!
BAHAHAHAHA! Love it! Good for you, Britton. The thing I find most helpful about these challenges is the discipline of having to be so succinct in the storytelling is translating to all my writing now. Plus, they’re just a lot of fun.
As a Jayne fan, I have to say that if I made you laugh, that is high praise indeed. Thanks for sharing this activity–just the few I have done have started my ideas flowing like mad!
Ha ha…made me laugh too. I’d have left him much sooner, one look in the freezer would have been enough!
So let’s add “alphabetized freezer” to the RED FLAG list. Trust me!
Wait a minute Lisa!I think having a freezer in alphabetic order is such a mark of greatness!
Think this through very thoroughly. In fact, make an A-Z list of pros and cons.
Hmmm…alphabetised CD’s…colour-coded socks, numerical shoes (maybe just in two’s…) but the freezer may just ward me off! lol
I like your style! I’m liking this five sentence idea.
I have the feeling it’s a bit contagious. Watch out! Thanks for coming by.
Short is good, but it would have been even better cut to just the first four words and left at that.
Ok, Peter, “Peter was a handsome.” There, just for you, who although handsome, certainly does not organize his sock drawer in quite the same way as the infamous “Peter” above.
Further superior to the infamous Peter, my socks need no organizing because they are all the same color.
As one with slight OCD tendencies, this really hit the mark…LOVED it!
Hello Donna, and thanks for the visit. Please do not start a new alphabetical project on Peter’s behalf…I’m sure your sock drawer and freezer look just fine!
I love your bizarre character… mmm… makes me think that lots of people have traces of undiagnosed OCD behaviour… some more “acceptable” than others…
A great piece of flash fiction!
Yes, I think more of us have OCD-tendencies that we let on, or even know. I know I do!!
As someone who alphabetizes his canned goods, this seemed a bit mean. (joking) Was beginning to wonder until you slid orange in right under the wire. Fun little tale.
Thank you Jeffrey. Please send me a pic of your cupboard. I want to copy you and then write flash fiction about you, um, er, I mean someone like you!
Leave it to you to make me think of OCD in new terms, i.e., orange compulsive disorder. 😉 Of course, as a photographer, you have the benefit of adding a little color to your post.
yes, yes…my highly original, “oh, I must have an ‘orange’ picture in here somewhere” pic. ha ha.
I’m meditating on becoming slightly OCD myself…I need a bit more order!
Gotta go…porange, gorange, horange, storange, gelorange, oberohrange, behorange, doorange…
Nicely paced, and a very convincing voice. Loved it. And I’m still thinking …
Thank you for coming by, Sandra. I love reading all the pieces and, especially, discovering other kindred writing souls!
There is no way I could stay with Peter…no matter how handsome. The freezer alone would drive me batty. How about rhyming orange with porridge which I would pour over his handsome OCD head. Thanks for visiting and commenting on mine.
Wait til I write about the shower door! You’ll flip. Thanks so much for coming by.
Peter sounds like he would be a bit too much for me. Nicely told story. 🙂
Yes! I mean, fictionally speaking of course.
I’ve read this through several times and laughed every time! Wonderfully delicious storytelling! 🙂
Thank you for saying that–I still laugh when I read it too! Nice of you to stop by. This is fun, isn’t it!
Oh so excellent! Amazing how much can be portrayed in five small sentences. Love it 🙂
Thanks, Lillie–I’m really enjoying reading all the submissions!